Maybe I am insane
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
Ravenwolf's LiveJournal:
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| Tuesday, February 14th, 2006 | | 12:35 am |
I am retarded. I managed to scratch the back of my ear with a mechanical pencil |
| Monday, January 30th, 2006 | | 7:38 pm |
the things I get from my mother sometimes. This made me laugh so hard when I read it! Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade named: BOOK BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc. Here's how it works: BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder, which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKs with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it. Unlike other display devices, BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, and it can even be dropped on the floor or stepped on without damage. However, it can become unusable if immersed in water for a significant period of time. The "browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of selected information for instant retrieval. An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session -- even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOKmarkers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK. You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS). Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK's appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking. Look for a flood of new titles soon. |
| Saturday, January 28th, 2006 | | 10:52 am |
A Moment From A Mutant Life
(Holy Batshit! Rani has characters that aren't from the HP universe? *giggle* Yup! I present to you two of my X-men characters!) Bavol sighed as he checked the time. it was 5:30 in the afternoon. His sister was supposed to be here at five. It wasn't uncommon for her to be late, but this was insane. She was never more than ten minutes late. He started to worry. ~Freda where the hell are you?~ they had a link, it came from being mutant twins(fraternal obviously, considering one is a boy and the other is a girl). People would often think that they were telepathic upon discovering this, but that wasn't the case. it was only with each other. ~Shit! I'm sorry Bavol, I didn't realize it was THAT late. I'm almost to the park. The test I had to make up must've taken a lot longer than I thought~ He smiled, typical of her. The other common mistake was that they wouldn't have to have these conversations. If they were linked they would always know where the other one was, or if they were in danger. the link didn't work like that though. In fact they usually ignored the link, except when they needed to talk. It was always there in the background, they didn't notice it until it went missing. The only times it would go missing would be if one of them was unconscious or dead. ~All right Freda, see you soon.~ Obviously neither one had died, they both had managed to get knocked unconscious before though, and man that was terrifying. The link wasn't the only thing that made them mutants, if it was they would probably have gone unnoticed their entire lives. if not they certainly wouldn't have been noticed so fast. Freda could slow time in a bubble around her. The bubble moved with her, and if she was careful she could keep someone in normal time with her. Being careful meant staying in contact with them. Bavol? his was a bubble too, only his bubble made it so nothing could touch him. Again, he could have someone in the bubble with him, as long as he was touching them. He heard her running footsteps, far too loud and close and sudden, and checked his watch again. It was still 5:30, only a couple seconds later. He laughed and stood, hugged her tight. there was no doubt they were related, they looked exactly alike, aside from one being a boy and one being a girl. "Cheater" She laughed and hugged him back "Oh shut up Bavol, you cheat all the time when we have water balloon or snowball fights. Sorry I was so late, really" "It's fine. Now come on, we have a movie to catch. thanks to you we'll have to pick a new time" "Not if I have anything to say about it! there's a safe place to appear out of nowhere right by the theater and you know it!" She grabbed his hand and started running. As far as the two of them were concerned, everyone else was practically standing still. |
| Tuesday, January 24th, 2006 | | 12:51 am |
Someone Misunderstands What A Daughter Is
You know…..there are people that would kill to be in my situation. I can do whatever I want and get away with it, cause they’ll pretty much ignore anything bad I do. Hell, half the things I do my parents will HELP me with. See, I’m not a daughter. I’m a pet. Whether or not I have stuff and new clothes or shit will depend entirely on whether or not they’ve felt the need to pay attention to their pet lately. A happy Esperanza this does NOT make. Oh sure, I have my ear piercings and even my eyebrow piercing because of them. But when I’m getting this stuff I don’t exactly get the feeling of warm fuzzy parental love. I get the feeling of ‘aw….she’d look so cute wouldn’t she? Lets do it so we can show off our pretty pet to our friend when they come by in a couple of days!!!’ VOMIT! I want out! Any suggestions? |
| Saturday, January 21st, 2006 | | 7:39 pm |
being a girl sucks, okay? SUCKS! and just shut up, I know being a boy has it's down sides too. I am perioding. but there's no blood. I'm cramping far too violently for any blood to find it's way out. add on top of that(for I must be mocked) I have cramps from being constipated. And all those cramps mean I am nausiated out the ASS!(at least something is coming out of my ass, right?) All of this also puts me in a very bad mood, so I just sort of drift around doing things, wanting to bite off the heads of the strangers that even vaguelly annoy me yay? |
| Wednesday, January 11th, 2006 | | 10:15 pm |
I have a special kitten, it comes with bacon bits |
| Friday, January 6th, 2006 | | 1:29 am |
Character Entry: Sophia Harper
I'm due back at the hospital soon. I don't have a scheduled appointment. I just know because it's been a while since I collapsed, and I've been getting weak lately anyway. I'm very familiar with this by now. Frankly I wonder why I'm still alive. I wonder how I manage to keep opening my eyes every time. What's really sad is I'm saying this and I'm only 13. I'll be 14 in a few days, if I'm still alive. I could die any time really. And that's depressing as fuck. Okay, so I'm sure you're asking yourself by now, why is this girl so sure she could just drop at any given moment? Well, that would be the joy of having cancer eating away at my organs. I was diagnosed when I was 6. I'm going to say right now that muggle doctors SUCK ASS! They thought there was only a little, they thought they could remove it all. I still have a scar on my stomach from that surgery. Guess what? They were wrong. They missed a little. and you know how cancer works, miss a little and that bit will grow again. There's a second scar on my stomach from when they tried again. This time they knew they hadn't gotten it all, they couldn't without killing me anyway. It's funny, cause I have a cross on my stomach from those scars, the left side. The second surgery was when I was 7 by the way. From then until I was 11 I'd go to muggle hospitals for all that shit they do to try and kill it. I got all the treatment money could buy, comes from having rich parents. Slowed the fucker down, but never stopped it. When I turned 11 I got my letter to Hogwarts. Let me tell you that was a shock, I didn't know a thing about magic. I mean, I had read the books, and I believed in it, and some really freaky shit had happened around me. But the idea that *I* could do magic? The girl who was slowly dying? Anyway, around that same time I found St. Mungo's, someone in Diagon Alley told me about it. Too late even for magic. They could slow it down, give me even more time, but this thing would still kill me eventually. Let me tell you something. When every day you wake up and it's a complete shock, for me anyway, risk just isn't something you consider. Oh sure, there's all kinds of cancer patients that spend their lives in the hospital, trying desperately to have a few more days or weeks than they would have, but God what kind of a life is that? I can't stay in a hospital my whole life. Seriously, this risk thing? sure, I know the word, but it's not something that exists in my life. It hasn't been since I turned 8. I figured, if I had this thing that was going to be killing me anyway, why should I hold back out of fear? why should I not do something I wanted to cause there was the chance I might die? I don't even know if I have a tomorrow, so I'm going to fit as much into every day, every second, that I can. Don't get me wrong, I don't TRY to die. I don't run out into the middle of traffic. But if there's something I want to do, I do it. This did not make my parents happy at all. Being parents they, of course, would much prefer I stay home, or in the hospital. Again with the what kind of life is that? I moved out when I was 10, a friend who lives in England and completely understands how I am took me in. Parents weren't happy, but I really didn't care. And the doctor bills wouldn't be a problem cause I already had my own bank account, with way to much money in it. I made Chandler, the guy I live with, help me change the password and stuff so my parents couldn't get into the account. I'm sure they would have drained it or something in effort to get me to come back home. I also smoke, that's been since I was.....12? I used to bum cigarettes from people. When Chandler found out he started buying them for me. It's funny when people ask if I know I'm killing myself. I'm already dying anyway, and the cigarettes help calm me down. I do get stressed sometimes after all. I skate pretty much everywhere. On quads, not blades, I suck on blades. I also have this ability, I can get shadow wings. Exactly what they sound like, wings made of shadows. All I can really do is glide. I haven't used them much though. There aren't very many people who know that every day I wake up it's a miracle, I mean it's not something I share. how's that for an introduction? 'Hi, I'm Sophia. I might be dead tomorrow because I have seriously advanced cancer that not even magic can stop at this point.' Um....no. Chandler knows, I mean he's my best friend and I live with him, he's the one that gets me to St. Mungo's every three months for my regular appointments. And The teachers at Hogwarts know....I think that's it. I hope that's it. |
| Sunday, December 25th, 2005 | | 6:03 am |
"I still don't know how you burn through those so fast" "I have a fat head" |
| Friday, December 23rd, 2005 | | 11:24 pm |
you know what? Fuck holidays. not the holiday season, but holidays. year round, any holiday you could mention. FUCK IT! There will guaranteed be a reason I hate the day. and every time I TRY to do something to redeem the day in my mind or heart or whatever, something WORSE happens. So seriously, fuck it |
| 10:00 pm |
India C Freebird on The Joys of a Crazy Mum
It's funny, the Freebird children all share one very deep, dark secret. And it's the one thing the whole world knows. Mum is crackers. Bonkers. Howling. Bat shit insane. So, how can this be a deep, dark secret when the whole world knows? Well, we don't tell people. Not the way you'd think. Anytime it comes up we mention it like it's some great big joke. "So how come you three have middle letters?" "Oh cause Mum is bonkers" "Why are you named India?" "Cause Mum is just insane" *big grin, snort* Because we pass it off as a constant joke, no one thinks we mean it. She's completely mad though, it's no joke. Us three and Dad take turns taking her in for her appointment. She lives at home cause it'd be worse for her if she was away from the people she loves, and the people that love her. We all feel guilty admitting it, but we all wonder how we manage to keep loving her sometimes. Even Dad. oh, for added excitement, each of us kids have something strange about us that we suspect comes from her complete insanity. Bianca, my older sister, can't be upset. The only thing she can feel that even gets close to any form of upset is disappointment. She can feel that one sharply, but she's completely incapable of being sad or angry. Then there's my little brother, Orlando. He feels pain yeah, but he doesn't react to it, at all. He's actually had to TRAIN himself to tell someone if he hurts, and it still takes him a few minutes to do it. It's seriously creepy, this one time he broke his arm, and you could SEE that it was broken, and he was just going on about his day like nothing was wrong. My bizarrity? I can't focus for shit, you'll notice that I've just sort of jumped around to different aspects of this, and I've only been able to remember what I was doing by going back and reading this a few times. School's always been exciting cause of it. I get a special schedule, my classes are rearranged so the teachers can spend time with me one on one and keep me focused on what I'm supposed to be learning. I'm just grateful that I ended up at a school that's understanding of all this |
| 1:56 pm |
jesse's fine, just busy we have rats now ^^! my breakfast came in a tin today my nose likes to clog on one side in the moring I realy should be drawing but have no will to do so all our pets are girls a chunk of my brain is pretending to be asleep |
| Tuesday, December 20th, 2005 | | 11:41 pm |
barggggggggggg *worried* I havn't heard from my older brother in too long. He hasn't been on any of his messangers, including the one that's part of his cell phone! He hasn't e-mailed me back.....I'm almost afraid to actually call his cell phone I hope he's okay ............. ...................................... I hope he hasn't done something stupid and got put into jail again.... |
| Sunday, December 18th, 2005 | | 9:17 pm |
..........I HATE when I have something I want to update with, and promptly forget what the hell it was once I get to it > |
| Saturday, December 17th, 2005 | | 1:34 am |
well. life is just bizarre right now. I've been not-sick for the past couple days, as seen by my prediction of snow in my last journal entry. All that's wrong is I'm congested to fuck. It's finally lifting, which means what's left is going down my throat. my throat does not apritiate this, so it's all sore and a little swollen. So I spent the day blowing my brains out and being slightly miserable. getting online and discovering I had been given a two month subscription made me feel loads better though ^^! this is not the part that makes me say life is bizarre, I'm getting to that now the bizarre part is thus: I got an e-mail from my mom recently, after not hearing from her for a long time. Charyl had died. Phrasing it so simply makes it seem like the news didn't effect me. but that's not true. It hit me....strangly. Charyl is, or I guess was, a friend of Mom's. She was my Aunt, the aunts that aren't actually related to me in any form are the ones I like best. As most people reading this already know, my biological family is almost entirely a bunch of fucktards. Anyway, Charyl. She took care of me a lot, she was one of my favorite babysitters when I was little. She has a son who's 4 years younger than me. I always liked hanging out with him. He's the one that found her...in the tub. She died of heart failure. She's not old...only a couple years older than my mom at the most. and she might have actually been younger by as much as 10 years, I don't really remember. I remember that looking at her and how she acted you'd think she was only 20-something though. I have a lot of really good memories of her, littered with a few where she annoyed me or Mom a little. I'm upset....only.......not really. I feel bad for the people that were so close to her, I havn't actually seen Charyl in a few years. I feel sad knowing I won't get to see her again when I visit Colorado. I also feel kind of guilty because.....well it seems like it should hurt more than this vague sadness. I mean....sure it's been ages since I've even talked to her, sure I'm a handful of states away. But she was one of my favorite aunts, I remember I'd babble on about her when I was little for ages. But I just hear the news...and sure I went numb for a while....mostly from straight up shock. then it's just like 'okay, she's dead then. Don't have to worry about trying to get in touch.' Death always registers like that though. a vague ache somewhere in my stomach, but brushed aside like it doesn't matter. I don't know...I guess it has something to do with my past, it's probably one of those reactions I have to unlearn. Even knowing that it's still kind of scary |
| Thursday, December 15th, 2005 | | 6:11 pm |
I predict snow within the next week. Possibly as late as a week and a half from now. My nose is half stuffed and runny, and I'm sneezing a lot Those two lines are actually linked. allow me to explain I don't get sick really. and whenever I do it's a sinus infection. However bitter cold makes my nose clog. When I'm doing this half clogged, runny nose, sneezing shit, it always snows. My nose is a more reliable weather forecast than the best weatherman |
| Sunday, December 11th, 2005 | | 6:36 am |
oh, and Rainy and Paul are back from the trip. It makes me happy to have my roomates again |
| 6:35 am |
I'm always entertained and slightly bothered when I go to bed dying from exhaustion, and wake up after three hours of sleep and am so awake it hurts. Three hours is not supposed to be enough. and yet here I am |
| Friday, December 9th, 2005 | | 1:08 pm |
an artical headline seen on MSN.com: "Spanish at school translates to suspension" Suspected they weren't mentioning that the Spanish was foul. Further investigation was found to be necisary, so I looked. But no, it WAS as stupid as it sounded. A kid had a brief conversation with a friend. two lines. "Can I borrow a dollar" "No problem" but in Spanish. This was apparently not the first time this kid had been asked to not speak Spanish in school. He was in the HALL on BREAK This is America. The first amendment is freedom of speech(so on and so forth) This INCLUDES speaking a language OTHER THAN ENGLISH with your friends if you want to. at least half the people in this country speak a language other than English. And English is the bastard child of practically every other language anyway. People are SO STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| 5:51 am |
I've seen a couple of my friends do this, thought I would too. The first line from the first entry of each month (character journals excluded) italics are my commentary January: In the year 2005 I resolve to: Getting myself admitted to a mental institution. this is actually the resolution meme, but amuses me because I'm often told I should be in a mental insitution.February: so the pattern haunts me. aaaah, yes. the pattern of my life. I've traded it in for a better pattern in seemsMarch: Holy CRAP! ooooh, this is from when I fist talked to my brother again! and was so pleased and almost in tears because it was HIM again, not the idiot shell he'd turned himself into. This was also my only entry this month.April: So I have not actually been updating in here for ages. this happens regularlyMay: Your flower is crying, your Dryad needs you. I'll post random nonsense a lot. this is one of those, posted because I was playing with one of my dryad characters who was going through a bad time.June: ok, so yeah. obviously at one point Rani got bored and was putting a story in here. ah ha, when I first decided to let my characters make their own entries if they wantedJuly: My Little Yop Nouriche more nonsense. We had gone grocery shopping. we got a MLP and some yogurt drinks. The receipt said thisAugust: Fleur come here! the begining of a little skit of what my brain thinks would happen if Fleur wasn't fictional and saw what was written about her in the booksSeptember: why is it that my life will CONSISTANTLY be suddenly thrown into the dump any time I'm starting to actually do anything other than scrape by? oh yes. this was when the joy of the apartment inspection was aroundOctober: and now for a rare thing: A journal entry that's ME talking about something that's on my mind. those really are rare...November: I am not supposed to be able to burn through a SUPER PLUS TAMPON in two or three hours!!!!!!!!!!!!! God my periods suckDecember: TIME ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!!!!!!! hah, I'm a strange child. I run between needing to be alone to needing people around constantly |
| Thursday, December 8th, 2005 | | 10:15 am |
it's all in the little things went for a walk. picked up a bunch of pretty leaves, gave my soda dollar to one of the people stuck ringing the bell, talked briefly with a couple people who liked something about my outfit. And I feel loads better now |
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